Thoughts on Grief

Hey folks -

This is a sensitive topic but I think it's one worth "talking" about....

I was thinking about this as the memorial service for a dear friend of ours is approaching...

I know we all feel at a loss when someone dies and we don't know what to say to those who are close to the deceased. The standard thing to say is generally "I'm so sorry for your loss." I can't tell you how many times I heard this at my Dad's funeral. That's a perfectly acceptable thing to say.

I have taken a slightly different tact with my closest friends (and only my closest friends because they understand what I mean - I obviously wouldn't say this to everyone) and my words were along the lines of "I'm sorry - this just sucks." Shocked? Well for my closest friends I knew it would be helpful in she ways because I know that's how I felt.... that it just sucked. When I first said that to my best friend she looked at me in surprise and then said something along the lines of "yeah... yeah it does and that's the perfect way to sum it up." Now I am not advocating that you use that tact because frankly it doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

One tact that I recommend you be very careful in using is any tact that is faith driven if you don't know what the person you are talking to believes. Saying "It's Gods Will" or "He/She is in a better place" is not only not helpful to someone who doesn't share your belief system it's quite frankly rude. I can say this because I've not only experienced it myself but I have watched friends of mine experience this and I can see how angry statements like this have made some of them. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and feelings and perhaps thoughts like that help YOU cope with what has happened during a time of grief however do not assume that is true for others. Sometimes statements like this just make the person who is grieving even more upset because they are now upset by you as well... Just remember when you are trying to console someone it's supposed to be about them not you....

Just some food for thought....